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  • Nancy Urbach

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Are you a people pleaser? Do you go out of your way to make everyone happy, even if it means sacrificing your own needs? If so, you're not alone. Many people find themselves in this position, but that doesn't mean it's healthy or sustainable. So how can you stop being a people pleaser and start thinking about yourself for a change? Read on to find out.

First, you need to define if you’re being a people pleaser or just being a good person. The line between the two can sometimes be a little blurry. After all, both involve making sacrifices for others and trying to make them happy. Here are a few key differences that separate them.

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

For starters, people pleasers tend to do things out of a sense of obligation, whereas good people do them purely out of the goodness of their hearts. People pleasers often put the needs of others above their own, even if it means sacrificing their own happiness. Good people, on the other hand, are more likely to strike a balance between giving and receiving. They realize that taking care of themselves is just as important as taking care of others. Finally, people pleasers tend to go above and beyond what is reasonable or necessary, whereas good people know when to draw the line. So if you find yourself bending over backwards for someone else, ask yourself whether you're doing it out of the goodness of your heart or because you feel like you have to. Chances are, if it's the latter, you might be a people pleaser.

Once you have determined if you are a people pleaser, understand that you can't please everyone. No matter what you do, there will always be someone who isn't happy with the outcome. This is especially true if you're a people pleaser. They are always trying to accommodate others, and as a result, they often end up feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Furthermore, people pleasers often find themselves in unhealthy relationships because they're constantly putting the needs of others ahead of their own. If you're a people pleaser, it's important to realize that you can't make everyone happy all the time.

Set boundaries for yourself and don’t be afraid to say no. People pleasers don't want to upset people or make them angry, so they end up agreeing to things that they don't really want to do. This can be fine occasionally, but if you're always putting other people's needs ahead of your own, it can lead to burnout.

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

That's why it's important to set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. If you're not comfortable doing something, say no. It's okay to put your own needs first sometimes. In fact, it's necessary! Otherwise, you'll end up feeling resentful and used. So, if someone asks you to do something you're not comfortable with, don't be afraid to speak up and set a boundary.

Learn how to deal with negative feedback and criticism constructively. Negative feedback and criticism can be tough to take, especially if you're a people pleaser. However there are ways to deal with it constructively, instead of letting it get the best of you. First, try to understand where the other person is coming from. What might be their motivation for giving you negative feedback? It's also important to separate constructive criticism from mean-spirited comments. If the feedback is helpful and specific, try to take it to heart, but if it's just an attack on your character, it's best to let it roll off your back. Finally, try to use negative feedback as an opportunity to learn and grow. If you can take it in stride, you'll come out stronger in the end.

Be assertive and confident in your decisions. If you're the type of person who always tries to please everyone, you might want to reconsider your approach. Although it's important to be considerate of other people's feelings, you should also be assertive and confident with your own decisions. Constantly trying to please others will only lead to frustration and resentment. It's okay to say no occasionally, and people will respect you more if you stand up for yourself. So next time someone asks you to do something you're not comfortable with, don't be afraid to speak up. Assertiveness and confidence are key ingredients for a happy and successful life.

Get rid of the people pleaser mentality and start focusing on you.

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries for yourself and say no when needed. Learn how to deal with negative feedback and criticism constructively, so that it doesn’t affect your self-esteem or confidence. Most importantly, be assertive in your decisions – know what you want and go after it. Become a stronger, more confident person by ditching the people pleasing habit today!


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Blog Disclaimer: Although we make strong efforts to make sure all information on the blog is accurate, Nancy B. Urbach cannot guarantee that all the information on the blog is always correct, complete, or up-to-date. Any advice given in the blog is from her own experience or point-of-view; it is your choice if you use any advice given. Nancy B. Urbach is not a licensed therapist or doctor. All information shared is her own personal experience or opinion. Nancy B. Urbach is not liable for any unforeseen outcomes or personal harm that may come from your choice to follow any advice, suggestions, or steps given in any blog post. Always check with your doctor before trying anything new that may impact your health. Some blogs include links to external websites / blogs. Nancy Urbach is not liable for any advice these third-party websites/ blogs suggest and is not responsible for the privacy practices of such third-party websites. You should carefully read their own policies before following any advice and should always check with your doctor before choosing to follow any advice. 

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